When You Are Ready to Start A Family and He is Not






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For some couples, one of the hardest hurdles to tackle in a marriage is when to start a family. Often times, a man and woman are not on the same page when it comes to the right time to get pregnant. This can be a really big issue in a relationship. Read on for some tips on what you can do when you are ready to start a family and he is not.

1. Talk It Out

Yes, it sounds simple, but make sure to talk (REALLY talk) to your partner about his thoughts and wishes about having kids. If you can have this conversation before you are married or in a long term committed relationship, that is best so that you can get all your cards out on the table and air any issues that might arise. If your partner truly does not want children, there is probably a good reason for it. You should know the reasons behind your partner’s feelings on the issue.


2. Give It Time

If your partner does not want kids right now, or is not sure if he will want kids in the future, a good idea might be to simply give it time and see if your partner’s mind changes as you get older, or as your relationship evolves. Sometimes, when it comes to life changing decisions like having a baby, guys take a longer time to get used to the idea.


3. Think About Your Own Reasons

It is always important to consider the other person’s perspective in any situation. However, you should also consider your own reasons for wanting to get pregnant and make sure that they are the right reasons. Make sure that you are not wanting to have a baby to keep your relationship together, or because all of your friends are getting pregnant. As long as you make sure that your desire to have a baby is coming from the right place.


4. Build Your Relationship

It is very important that even if you both want different things that you continue to grow and build your relationship. As you become closer with your partner, your ideas and plans for the future might continue to change and grow as well.


5. Leave It Up To Chance

Some couples actually find that what works best for them is leaving a pregnancy up to chance. In other words, not preventing it, but not actually trying to get pregnant. Some couples choose to go off of their birth control method, but not chart their cycles or know their ovulation days.


They simply say “whatever happens, happens” and they leave it all up to chance. This is not an ideal solution for all couples but many couples find that leaving things up to chance actually works quite well in their situation.

Dr. Karen Leham is double board-certified in Obstetrics and Gynecology and in Reproductive Endocronology and Infertility. Dr. Leham completed her residency at Loyola University, followed by a fellowship at UCLA.